Dear Eric: My brother and sister-in-law don’t visit often, usually only once or twice a year, including a major holiday. After each visit I tell my husband that we will not receive them again.

In the past, their arrival and departure times were difficult. They talk loudly to each other after others have retired for the evening or before others have risen in the morning. Doors are simply slammed out of habit. Bath and bed linen are left in disarray.

They have helped themselves to our personal products, even though we always say, “let us know if you need anything.”

They are offered comfortable guest accommodations and multiple meals, but never bring a guest gift. I have the impression that they are entitled to this, because some of the families have no financial worries. Please let me know: should I ‘stand up’ and tolerate their lack of manners and attention, or suggest they book a room in one of the many local hotels?

– Rental relationship

Dear Family Member: This is the paradox of telling guests, especially guests we are related to, that they should “feel at home.” Whose house are we talking about here? Because of the way some of these people live? No thanks!

In the interest of peace, you need to let go of some of your worries – perhaps the bedding? Or, if you don’t want them to use your products, take them off the shelves. Some of this is just miscommunication: What’s a dollop of shampoo between family members?

Choose one or two things that will make a difference in style. Communicate clear expectations with the rest before the visit. For example, if they plan to arrive at an inconvenient time, tell them this is inconvenient and give them a range of times that work for you. If you’re expecting a guest gift – which, I agree, is the right gesture – tell them. “Next time you come, bring some of that local honey we like,” or something like that.

In short: it’s your house and you should feel comfortable. But entertaining guests will always disrupt our preferred modes a little. Determine how far outside your comfort zone you are willing to be.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him further Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.